Family Meals: A Vaccine For... (astonishing research about family meal time)

One of the most important principles I was ever taught, and that I've tried to teach my children is to
 make the most important decisions beforehand!
 We have lists of things we will ALWAYS do, and things we will NEVER do.

There's great power in deciding what we will do in a given circumstance.  When the moment of truth comes, the decision is already made... life becomes more intentional, and situations that could be very difficult become much easier.

It may seem silly to include family meals in the category of total commitment, but truly I believe family meals ARE THAT IMPORTANT.

I'm NOT saying to have a gourmet dinner perfectly prepared at EVERY meal. What I AM suggesting is to commit that your family will gather together at the table (or elsewhere :) at least several times each week for a meal. Why?

Because of some of the most interesting words I've ever heard in my whole life....

"[There] is something about a shared meal-- not some holiday blowout, not once in a while but regularly, reliably-that anchors a family even on nights when the food is fast and the talk is cheap and everyone has someplace they'd rather be.  And on those evenings when the mood is right and the family lingers caught up in an idea or an argument explored in a shared safe place where no one is stupid or shy or ashamed, you get a glimpse of the power of this habit and why social scientists say such communion acts as a kind of vaccine, protecting kids from all manner of harm."

Studies show that the MORE OFTEN families eat together:

the LESS likely kids are to
smoke
drink
do drugs
get depressed
develop eating disorders
consider suicide

and the MORE likely kids are to
do well in school
delay having sex
eat their vegetables
learn big words
know which fork to use

Source: The Magic of the Family Meal by Nancy Gibbs

 Time families spend together eating meals at home is THE STRONGEST predictor of children's academic achievement and psychological adjustment.

  See source HERE by Dallin H. Oaks

The saying is true:

(Ok, not in a cannibalistic way... you get my drift :)). 

 One of the most crucial commitments our society needs is for families to eat meals together.  It doesn't matter if we're lousy cooks or a gourmet chefs! I believe the greatest difference we can make in the world starts in our own little, seemingly insignificant homes...giving time and meals to our families.

Just a little food for thought.
XO,
 Nancy

Be sure to check out all of the posts in our 31 Days of Feeding the Family Series

31 Days of Feeding the Family

REMEMBERING a loved one who has died

 

 

 

When my mom died, I really struggled with the grieving process.  I learned that there are five stages to the grieving process. There is no particular order or time for each stage. Sometimes we go through each stage and sometimes we skip stages and sometimes we revisit stages. We each grieve

in our own way and in our own time

so don't compare yourself to others and their grieving process.

 

1.  DENIAL and ISOLATION

2.  ANGER

3.  BARGAINING

4.  DEPRESSION

5.  ACCEPTANCE

 

Learn more here and here about these stages.  If you are struggling with the loss of a loved one I encourage you to look at these two websites they give great information.  Don't be afraid to seek grieving counseling if needed.

I believe in life after death and I believe that God has a plan for us.  Learn more here.  I believe that our loved ones are not far away from us and that they still love us and want us to be happy.  During my grieving process, I learned that I could still remember my mom and loved ones by making them apart of my life.  Here are some things that my family has done to REMEMBER those we love that are in heaven.

1. Decorate their grave.  

Balloons, flowers, wreaths etc. for holidays or other special days .

For my mom's birthday, I let the girls buy their favorite "Birthday" Balloon to give to Grandma.

 

2. Donate to a charity in their name.

Karalee, Brett's Mom and Brett

 

My sister has been on a weight loss journey this past year.  Check out her blog here.  She signed up for a 3K run in honor of my mom when she was in Hawaii called NAMI which stands for

National Alliance on Mental Illness.

3. Eat their favorite dinner or treat.

 

My mom's favorite treat was ice cream especially Starlight Mint and

on her birthday I make Chicken Cordon Blue for dinner. 

 

4. Do what they loved. 

My mom was famous for having fun and not following the rules. 

She was a big kid at heart and always made sure she was having fun with us girls.
 

5. Talk about them and share stories about them.

 

 My girls love to hear stories about my mom.  My sisters are great to also tell them stories when we are together.  Talking about your loved one keeps them apart of your life.  In a video we made for my mom's funeral we used the song Please Remember Me by Tim McGraw.  The line that always strikes me is "I will remember you, Will you remember me?"  I want to always be able to say Yes Mom, I remembered you.

Other Ideas:
Watch Movies about them, display their stuff around your house, look at pictures of them, talk to them as if they were here because they are.

What do you do to REMEMBER your loved one?

Jan

We All Need...

 I have a friend who seems to have her 'ducks in a row' all the time.... always looks classy, generous to others, so organized, funny, relaxed, happy family, hard worker. I've teetered on being really jealous, but I like her too much to let envy into the relationship.

As I've observed how she does EVERYTHING so well, I realized that she DOESN'T DO everything!!! She does what she can, and gets help where she needs it.

Whoa... that was another AHA experience for me... I can't do it all!


 My twins are always telling me as they stomp their feet, "I can do it all by myself!!" Sometimes, we mommies do the same thing in our own, "grown up" sort of way. We think we have to do it all, and then we end up overwhelmed and totally exhausted.

I felt that way not too long ago. It seemed as though I never got a break. From the wee hours of the morning to the stroke of midnight, I was cleaning, cooking, laundering, bathing, chauffeuring,  grocery shopping, entertaining kids, healing owies, and taking care of church or other responsibilities... and more. However, "everything" never got done. I felt so unorganized even though I was constantly working! Ack!!

My friend sent me the name and number of her housekeeper, Adrianna. So, I called her to help me deep clean my house, but then chickened out.

I thought, "I'm a stay at home mom. I should be able to get all of this done. Jenn works full time, that's why she's justified in having someone help her." (blah, blah, blah)

Finally, a few weeks later, I called Adrianna. And... life changed for me!!
She accomplished in one day what it takes more than a week for me to do, because I have so many other little tasks.

Yes, I paid her, and YES it was SOOOO worth it!
I finally felt like I was caught up. Just having a little help mad such a world of difference!

That experience made me think about how much as women, we try to do everything, and be everything to everyone. We are too scared or worried to ask for help. I know though, that
we all NEED help... in one way or another!

I've wondered, why have I been so hesitant at times to accept help or even ask for it??
I'm pretty sure that my reasons may also be your reasons:
-Don't want to impose
-Feel that there should be no reason I can't do it by myself
-I've been taken advantage of in the past, and do not want anyone to think I'm taking advantage of them
-Embarrassment that I even need help
-Too expensive, or I don't want to pay for something I can do myself

The secret is to realize that we are not perfect, nor expected to be. When someone helps us, we can pay them for their services, do something in return, or just accept that someone wants to help us for nothing in return. We can pass it forward when we are able to do so.

It is so liberating to have help when we need it.

Are you overwhelmed or exhausted?
Here are a few suggestions to get some help:

•  Realize that you are not alone! We all need help. It doesn't mean you are a failure! No one can DO EVERYTHING!
• Round up the help you need:
• Your husband
• Make an age appropriate job chart for your children and stick to it (withhold allowance or privileges if they do not help) 
• Trade with friends or sisters
• Accept help when someone offers
• Find the service you need, and pay someone to give it (doesn't have to be permanent.. even a little help goes a LONG way).
• A counselor
• An ecclesiastical leader
• Medicaid, WIC, or Food Stamps if you are struggling financially ( **If you don't need this kind of help, yet judge others. Watch out... you may have to use it also some day. )

Life is a big juggling act. We can't do it alone. Joy comes in giving help, and also receiving it.

XO,

Nancy

The Power of Music

I am sure we have all had those days when we are feeling grumpy, lonely, tired, angry, anxious, sad, or frustrated and YES, lots of  happy moments.  I found myself the last three months feeling extremely tired and a bit lonely which turned into grumpy and angry.  I am one of those women who doesn't do well without sleep and my emotions get the best of me.  With a newborn and three other girly-o's my exhaustion got the best of me.  I found it really helped to have music playing.  There was something about the rhythm, beat and sometimes the words that helped me to keep my emotions in tacked until nap time or the end of the day.

When I am feeling insecure or need to remind myself who I am and what I can do, I really like this song.....
 

 

When I need to remind myself to take care of myself

and stand up for myself, I like this one...

 

 

When I need to remember to dance and enjoy

the little moments with my girls, I like this ......

 

 

If I need to remind myself that I love my children and they are only children for a short time, I like this one.....

 

 

When I need to be reminded to be  kind

or have more Christian feelings, I like this one.....

 

  The power of music is incredible.  It can change your mood, attitude and inner thought process in  just moments.  So create a playlist for yourself so you can change your mood during those moments that you just can't seem to get out of your inner negative thoughts.

 

What songs help you?

 

 

Have a musical day!

Jan

 

 

What Your Kids Need YOU to BE (WARNING: they'll be just like you one day)

(This post is directed to myself more than anyone!!)

The path of my life has led me to associate with teenagers for the near majority of my 37 years. I've had the awesome opportunity to work with literally thousands of teens through church, school, and other community assignments. I absolutely love teenagers. You may think I'm crazy, but really, they are great.

My husband and I were discussing an activity that I was planning with the teens in my church group, and I had an enlightening moment.  It was when something I've always known actually hit me as true...
I thought about some of the girls that I had recently worked with, and their moms. I realized that I wouldn't even have to know which girl belonged to which mother to be able to match them together... even if they looked nothing alike.

 It was kind of a scary thought... how much influence moms have on their daughters. 

Even though I love teenagers, I will admit that some are kinder and more secure with themselves than others. Please don't send me hate mail for saying this, but in my experience, I see that the vast majority of kind and secure kids also have kind, inclusive, and secure parents. Of course, there are always exceptions, but usually this is the case.

I'm not talking here about those who may be termed by their peers as "popular". No, I'm talking about those who are real, and kind. (...and some "popular" kids fit into this category, but not all!)

I pondered a whole lot about what I want my kids to be like as they grow into their teen years. I thought about what I must reflect if I want them to be that way.

Here are the top FIVE things that I would tell parents: What your kids need YOU to be...

1. Know that you are of infinitely great worth, and so is everyone else!

Sometimes self worth can swing between feeling superior to others, and then feeling inferior to everyone. Most of us have felt each of those feelings at some point.
It is so important to teach children that no one is actually a more important or superior person than anyone else. We are just different, and each must learn to shine in our own way.

 A few of my favorite quotes about that:

"Our individual worth is already divinely established as "great"; it does not fluctuate like the stock market." -Neal A. Maxwell


Although, peer pressure, and popularity contests teach kids otherwise, we brought our great worth with us when we came into this world. It's established, and nothing can change it. We will certainly be tempted to feel like it fluctuates... that's why this is something we must know deep in our hearts. Kids will know this, if their parents do.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
(Nelson Mandela quoted Marianne Williamson in A Return to Love)



“It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which,if you say it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree helping each other to one or the other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all of our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. nations, cultures, arts, civilizations - These are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit - immortal horrors or everlasting splendors.” 
― C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory


2. Be accepting of yourself, and your body

 Some are tall, and some are short. Some are round, and some are thin. And almost everyone at some time or other wants to be something they are not! But as one adviser to teenage girls said: “You can’t live your life worrying that the world is staring at you. When you let people’s opinions make you self-conscious you give away your power. … The key to feeling [confident] is to always listen to your inner self—[the real you.]” 

 And if you are obsessing over being a size 2, you won’t be very surprised when your daughter... does the same and makes herself physically ill trying to accomplish it. 

-Jeffrey R. Holland

I like this...

"The greatest prison people live in, is the fear of what other people think."

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of someone else."

 -Judy Garland

"Over and over [my mother] said to me, "You must do everything you can to make your appearance pleasing, but the minute you walk our the door, forget yourself and start concentrating on others." 
-Susan W. Tanner



3. Be happy, smile, and have a good attitude.... even in the tough times!
People are always telling teenagers to improve their attitude, but I think all of us could take that advice.

"I believe the happiest girls are the prettiest."

 -Audrey Hepburn

"She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not flow her way, she adjusted her sails."

"Happy is the man who can brush aside the offending remarks of others and go on his way."

 -Gordon B. Hinckley

"Every time you are able to find humor in a difficult situation, you win."

4. Be with your children! Slow down, take time to enjoy them

"I all of living have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured." -Gordon B, Hinckley

The Mad Hatter: Have I gone mad?

Alice: I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.


"Once she stopped rushing through life, she was amazed at how much more life she had time for."

 “The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. … I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less” (Loud and Clear [2004], 10–11). -Anna Quindlen


5. Be truly kind

I once heard a man speak about his dad, whom he greatly admired. This father would always ask his kids about how they treated people, and what friends they had made. He would repeatedly tell his children, "I would rather have kind kids than smart kids."

I've never forgotten those words, and have felt their wisdom and importance. Of course, it's so important to make sure our children know that education is important, but I believe kindness is the most important. Even the kids who aren't perfect in grades can excel in kindness. As a teacher, I can assure, true kindness is what makes kids and teens shine.
(I say TRUE because there are plenty of people who can be kind to faces of others, but are not so kind behind backs).

Gordon B. and Marjorie Pay Hinckley

 “I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbor's children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden. I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.” -Marjorie Pay Hinckley

"Being humble means recognizing we are not on earth to see how important we can become, but to see how much difference we can make in the lives of others."

 -Gordon B. Hinkley

Good friends help you to find important things when you have lost them... your smile, your hope, and your courage." --Doe Zantamata




"Kindness is a language the deaf can hear and the blind can see." -Mark Twain

So , there's my advice...definitely more to myself than anyone else. 
Here's a recap:

XO, Nancy

P.S. I just saw a great quote to end this post:
"Don't let yourself become so concerned with raising a good kid
that you forget you already have one."

Teaching Kids the True Meaning of Charity

So, I've been missing in action here for a while because my computer totally crashed. Finally we got a new one that is not a "dinosaur". Wahooo!

This is an activity that is great for Christmas because learning to develop charity is one of the greatest gifts anyone can offer to others and to Jesus Christ, himself.  It's important any time of the year! And it applies to everyone of any faith or religion.

Charity is one of those attributes that I've thought long and hard about. It's what I want to become. As I study about it, I find  that charity is not just about casseroles and cookies, although that's part of it.
 It's really about genuine goodness, purity, and love. Developing charity gives us the tools within ourselves to successfully navigate through life. This is why I sincerely desire that my children develop it while they are young.

We read or memorize scriptures every night as a family, and even though some nights end up in a whole bunch of craziness, I've learned more about who my children really are as we do this. Charity is perhaps the most meaningful and applicable thing we've studied so far, and so I wanted to share it.

Scriptures about charity are in the bible (1 Corinthians 13) and in the Book of Mormon (Moroni 7:45-48).

First, we talked about each attribute that the scriptures define as charity. Here they are:

(Feel free to copy to your computer and print)

I had my kids memorize this. It took a while, but even my 3 year old can say them all :)!

As we talked about what each of these things meant, I found out that my daughter had someone make fun of her that day. We talked about how certain attributes of charity could help her in that situation.

I also found out that my son was overconfident in his running ability. He was sure that he could beat another kid in his class, and found that the other kid actually beat him. We talked about not being "puffed up" or "envious", and how developing that part of charity could help him.

Through our discussion, I realized that having charity really does help every aspect of life... from when we're down in the dumps to when things are totally going our way. It helps us truly to emulate the character of Christ during the best of times and the worst of times.

The thing is though, most of us will have to put a whole lot of effort into becoming truly charitable. 

I made this little "game" so that my kids could see how often charity applies to their every day situations. My hope is that when they are in a similar situation that they will remember what to do, and how true charity can help.

Directions: print and cut out each situation. Fold them into a jar, shake it, and take turns choosing a "situation". After reading the situation, look at the attribute list above, and decide which aspect of charity could help in that particular situation. The great part is that in most cases, there are several right answers. Talk about how they would apply that aspect of charity to the particular situation.

While playing this "game" and discussing what to do, you may bring up the fact that reacting with charity is not easy, and the answers they are saying now may not come naturally when they are faced with a real situation. So, what do you do?

In Moroni 7:48, we find the answer... "Pray to the Father with all the energy of heart that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ..."

Make it a family goal to pray to charity, and strive to become TRUE FOLLOWERS of Jesus Christ. True doesn't mean perfect, it means truly striving.

Kids don't usually have money to give from their own funds everyone a gift for Christmas, but becoming charitable is a TRUE GIFT that they give to all those around as they develop these attributes.

Merry Christmas!
XO,
Nancy


P.S. This is something I'm trying to apply to myself. Here are some questions for adults to ask themselves about charity, and to figure out which attribute of charity would help in these situations:

• You're going through a difficult trial
• Someone said something to you a long time ago that really hurt your feelings
• You have a friend that seems to be good at everything
• Your husband or one of your children is making choices that you don't agree with
• You are struggling with money
• Someone cuts you off when you are driving
• You have a million demands on your time
• The trend is to dress a little bit immodest, but very hip
• Your in-laws just bug the heck out of you
• People are always telling your friend how pretty she is and how cute her kids are. You feel overlooked
• You feel invisible or insignificant
• Your kids break something that is very expensive or special to you
• You know there are a whole lot of people suffering in the world
• Someone gossips about you, and you hear about it
• You're with some friends who are "discussing" aka gossiping about someone
• You feel the itch to vent or say something unkind about someone
• You know you have some spectacular talents
• You feel like you have no talent

A Sure Way to Increase Your Happiness Level

Last week I kept having moments that brought out my insecurities.  I found myself thinking things like, "you just are NOT as cool as you used to be!" and "you're pretty much going to just be mediocre your whole life, so get used to it." I started believing those thoughts and felt slightly depressed.

I know that I'm not alone in this. Sometimes there are little seasons when our insecurities, negative self talk or basing our worth on what we think others think of us just seem to ruin our peace and happiness.

Sometimes certain people just seem to bring hurt or annoyance to our lives.

Do you have someone in your life that seems to bring out the worst in you?  Or several people who  put you in a bad mood or annoy you like crazy?  You wish that you could just love them and feel total goodness towards them, but irritation always results in your associations with those particular people.

They seriously inhibit your ability to feel happiness... or so you think.

I've  tried many times to overcome the way  I feel about these people in my life  I've mentally attempted to feel ease, peace, and happiness with them. No lasting success was apparent  until one day I stumbled upon an idea that changed me...

A lesson from Native American Sacred Clowns.
(From Happy This Year by Will Bowen)

Sacred Clowns are called Heyoka by the Lakota Indians, the Zuni tribe calls them Mudheads, the Hopi call them Hano, Apache Indians have titled them Libaye, and the Cheyenne say they are Contraries:

Heyoka

the Zuni tribe calls them

Mudheads

Hopi

Hano

Apache

Libaye

Cheyenne

Contraries

The purpose of a Sacred Clown is to irritate, annoy, and mess with the members of the tribe. Most importantly however, their role is truly considered sacred and divine.

The Native Americans believe that in the beginning there was chaos, and that chaos is mandatory for people to thrive and survive.  Sacred Clowns are expected to bring forth chaos or irritation, and because of this, people in their tribe become stronger and more emotionally stable.

Each summer, there is a sacred Sun Dance festival  deep in the Black Hills of South Dakota. Tribal dancers honor their ancestors as they perform for 4 days in the scorching heat while fasting (no food or water). On the third day, when the dancers are obviously bone-weary and dehydrated, the Sacred Clowns come. They whoop,  holler, wreak havoc, and strive to distract the dancers.

An outsider would assume that these Sacred Clowns are evil, and should just leave. Right?

 Hmmm...

One year, Sacred Clowns didn't attend the festival. It would seem logical that the dancers would perform better, but the opposite happened. The worst year ever resulted for the dancers, and they were actually hospitalized because of heat exhaustion.

Truly, the adversity that the Sacred Clowns bring to the festival helps the dancers fight for who they are, and accomplish what they were meant to do.

Sacred Clowns are brought out in the Native American culture to help people understand their own true selves.
Sacred Clowns poke fun at the people, often speaking opposite of the truth. They try to mirror problems directly or inversely of those they are sent to irritate. Then, the people find within themselves the parts of their soul that need healing.


One sacred clown observed that "white people"sit around complaining at how other people and life circumstances annoy them. Yet, the Native Americans sit around the campfire at night and talk about the way the sacred clowns taught them something about themselves that day.

So, how did this change me?   I can now look at those who annoy me, or even those who really hurt or bother me as if they are a Sacred Clown or a teacher sent from God.

When we see others as divine teachers rather than irritants, everything changes. It helps us gaze into our own souls to view what part of us may need to heal, forgive, or be strengthened by divine power. Seeing people as sacred teachers rather than people who bother us is ennobling to the soul.

Here is one example, I'm a bit hesitant and embarrassed to share. It's a minor one, and it may appear silly, but it's a sacred clown to me:
In the last few months I've discovered Instagram. I like it tons better than Facebook, perhaps because I like pictures and think they are a delightful way to keep in touch.  I tapped into different circles of my friends who are also on instagram. I've enjoyed it a lot, and it's a lot faster and easier for me to keep in touch than any other social media source. If I follow someone, I hope that they follow me back. Just kind of a two way friendship thing, right?

So, I hit " follow" on a few friends that I've had for over 10 years.  They were  private accounts that I had to "request".  We have lots of mutual instagram friends, and so I see the comments they make to others often. What appears to me is that they didn't accept me as a  "friend", nor did they follow me. I  let this upset me. I started to feel bad and rejected.

Then I remembered the Sacred Clowns.

I pondered how I could view these people divine teachers that are revealing to me something about myself rather than as people set out to make me feel rejected. What are they teaching me about my spirit, and how can I keep my resolve and confidence because of this experience?

The answer came to me as I looked inside myself.  I saw that I have an insecurity that cares deeply about what other people think, and want to be accepted by people (and I'm even waaaay past my teenage years). It showed me that a place in me needs healing.

Obviously, I need to work on  knowing that I'm of great worth... even if no one else acknowledges that fact. It helped me realize how important it is to be secure in the fact that God loves me, and that I love me. I concluded that perhaps I need to love myself a little more. Not in a conceited way, but to be secure with who I am, regardless of how anyone else responds to me.

 That experience taught me to make sure to be generous in making others feel important- even in little ways. Times of rejection often teach us best to be inclusive and kind.


Remembering Sacred Clowns can turn those hurtful, negative, and annoying experienced into sacred ones. I'm not saying that they will suddenly take away hurt or pain, but truly they are a tool to peace and happiness.


Next time you encounter those people who drive you crazy, annoy you, or who bring you pain... remember the Sacred Clowns. 
I've found that the best way to make this work is not just to think about it, but to write about these things:

1. Who is your Sacred Clown and why?
2. What have those people taught you about yourself?
3. What divine message are they giving you?
3. How are you going to heal the parts of your soul that need healing?
    Forgiveness? Prayer? Connecting with God? Building confidence?
  It's what you DO with this information from yourself that makes the difference.


When you feel insecure, hurt, irritated, or annoyed... remember to bring in those Sacred Clowns :)! It will increase your degree of peace and happiness.

XO,
Nancy

The Truth, Heart, and New Dierection of Potlucks on the Porch

It's a novel, but please read :)!

The Dreamy Bloggy Beginning

Right after my twins were born in 2010, I discovered the world of blogging. I knew about family blogs, but I had NO idea what creative wealth and inspiration existed in the blogoshphere! During the long hours while feeding those two babies, I read craft blogs, sewing blogs,cooking blogs and all other sorts {yeah, I know, I "should" have been looking into their eyes, singing, and teaching them the ABC's}.

I became so inspired and felt that I was already a part of the blog world world without even writing one word or posting one picture on ANY blog. I even dreamed about blogs, and I'll admit some of my favorite bloggers were literally my friends in those dreams.  I was THAT into it. Sometimes I could't sleep because I was so excited to start a blog. Yeah, I really am a nerd, I know :)! 

As soon as I got a handle on life, my sister and I started a blog... it didn't fly. Then a few months later, we rounded some of our greatest friends together and started Potlucks on the Porch. We started it because we wanted to share ideas, and  found out that bloggers can earn money. We worked hard, and even for a short time we did have a little money coming.

Our discovery, however, was that making money on a blog is hard!. We also found that simply writing a blog post takes more work than we EVER imagined! Some of us also felt that the blog just didn't fit with our life and family. Blogging takes passion or it just doesn't happen, and certainly, not everyone is cut out to be a blogger. 

We went from a post almost every day of the week when we started, to barely one post a week now :). Ya, realized that we couldn't just snap our fingers and have a blog post published. Oh the time and mental effort...!

So, what happened to our blogging team? Jenn and Maren decided that blogging was not for them... truly, life is too short to do something you don't love if it's not bringing benefits you need or want.  Lauralee is pregnant, and Jan just had a baby. They stopped blogging for a while, and they may come back. As for me... call it passion or foot stomping determination... I'm still here, and here are the reasons.

But First, a Little More History...

My little family moved from Utah county to Las Vegas in June. Moving ALWAYS tires me out. It takes a while for me to get going again with anything afterwards. Also, I'll admit that truly my first reason to join the blog world was because it inspired and lit me up inside. My second reason, however, was that I noticed that my favorite bloggers did it as a business. I thought that it sounded really great to be a stay at home mom, and earn a little extra cash through blogging! 

At the time we started Potlucks on the Porch, my family desperately needed some money. My husband and I have had major financial crashes in our married life. His business  didn't take off the way we hoped and planned, and after years of thinking it would, it never did. I know that we weren't the only ones, and other people who've gone through it know how rough and desperate those times are. 

Thankfully though, he changed his path and started nursing school just after my twins were born. Even though it was SUCH a roller coaster of a time with 4 kids under the age of 5,  my husband in school, and being dirt poor... I am so grateful.  He finished school and the hellish testing period, then landed a great job here in Las Vegas.  I never thought that an RN could earn the money he does. Again, he's and RN, so obviously it's not like millions or anything, but it's an income that meets our needs. We can pay all of our bills, we have enough to save, and we even have a little bit to spend on some fun extras.  It's a huge blessing.

He'll be really embarrassed when he know I put this picture on here :)!

Thanks to the blessing of having enough, I don't have to stress out about working. I don't have to turn this blog into a money making business. So, right now, I'm not!!! One day though, once all my kids are in school I might focus on turning it into a business again, who knows?

I do know that I really enjoy blogging. It definitely is a passion for me.   I do want to keep it up. However, I don't want it to be my "other child", or even my job. as it was this past year.

I'll admit, I felt exhilaration when some of my posts went around Pinterest.  I loved it when bloggers I  admire gave me some attention.  I realize that this blog is just one of the millions of small blogs in the blogosphere, and it felt good to get recognition from Six Sisters' Stuff and featured by Tater Tots and Jello. It's like when the most popular kid in high school gives you some attention... feels good. But, that's not what matters to me.

Getting Closer

Now for the heart of it all...  When I was a child my mom had to work. I remember just craving being around her. I missed her so much. She often needed extra naps to make up for the sleep she missed, and I would sit outside her door and just wait for her to wake up.

She drove me on my paper route, and even though I hated throwing and smelling those newspapers, I relished the time I had with her. It was more precious to me than I realized.

When I was 16 years old, she passed away in a car accident. Obviously my world was crushed, and I've never stopped missing her. It was the lack of having a mom at home that made me understand how important moms are.

 One thing I knew for sure at that time was that I wanted to be a full time stay at home mom if it was at all possible.  I know that it's not possible for every woman. Some women need work to keep sane, others need it to support their families. I'm not making judgments on anyone. This was just the path I chose when I understood what was of the most importance to me, and what I felt God wanted for me.

I am very thankful that after some serious financial troubles, we're at the point that I know my husband can provide. That makes a huge difference for me in regards to this blog.  Right now I won't be entering in all kinds of link parties, stressing about what people want me to post about, or even caring about all the stats... because I'm not focusing on making money.

Finally

My focus for this blog is things that "light me up".  I want to honor my heritage and my posterity. That's what matters most to me. I come from a line of amazing men and women who taught me so much. I want to pass their wisdom, and gems that I've gained along the way to my children, and to anyone that may benefit.

I've had so many questions during the 9 years that I've been a mom. Times when I wished so much that I could just call my mom or grandma and ask for a recipe or what to do in certain situations. I wished that I had a record of things they made for me, and activities they did with me.

I hope that one day my children will have access to those kind of things, and I feel like this blog is a tool for that.

I always wish for REAL gems that teach me how to be a mom, a wife, and just a great woman (including practical, beautiful, and spiritual). That's the stuff I'll include here.  Not that I'm an expert, I learn as I go.  I'm a very religious person, but didn't want this blog to be too religious because I want people of all faiths to relate here. I hope people of all faiths feel welcome here. I also want to share ways that help my family live our faith better.

 My major in college was family science, and I learned great things about family life. I may include some of my insights in those areas too too. My career was teaching LDS seminary to High school kids in the Church Educational System. It was a joy, and I want to include more about those most important things to me.

I do know that a mom needs something that's her own.  Time to sharpen her own saw. I feel like this blog did that for me this past year, we'll see what happens now. I still LOVE tutorials, craft, and recipes and will include them. I also have dreams of writing books, starting my own non-profit organization, and traveling the world. I'm planting the seeds of those dreams here.

So.... there's the truth and the heart of the current status of Potlucks on the Porch :)! Stay tuned, and we'll see where it goes from here.

XOXO,
Nancy

P.S. The layout of the blog will eventually change, such as pictures and logos, but it may be a while :).

What I learned From Staples and a Flat Head Screw Driver

Several weeks ago, I reupholstered some kitchen chairs {HERE}.  Before a project, I often don't estimate correctly how long it will actually take, and how tedious and hard it might be. When it comes to brains and skill, this was not a difficult project. The steps are simple. It's the actual doing and finishing that takes endurance, muscles, and serious patience.

Next time I reupholster, I will realize that taking out staples will definitely be my least favorite part of the project. I still have some battle wounds from that flat head screw driver.  The worst of all was going around those blasted corners!  I just wanted to rip the old fabric up, but it wouldn't come.

Every time I tried to get the old fabric free from those corner staples, I would get stuck. At the beginning of the project, I said a few naughty words as I attacked the staples with that screw driver. The only thing that resulted was a stab in the hand, and anger at the staples.  I tried so hard to get even ONE staple out from those corners. No luck.

After I calmed down, I realized that if I stuck that flat head screw driver into a few staples, I could get a little part of one to budge slightly. If I worked on it for a while, it would budge a little more. Eventually I could get one staple out.  I'd repeat the process on the next staple. Within a few minutes, I could pull the staples out pretty quickly. Then, I would reach my little goal of a fabric free corner- wahoo!!! Of course, I went on to the next corner, and I repeated the process over again.

As I pulled out staples, I had a looooong time to think. My big goal was to reupholster those chairs, but there were a bunch of mini steps to get to that point. The huge block to achieving this goal were the stinkin' corners on the chairs. I thought about things in life that I want to accomplish. Sometimes we expect things to just happen. Or to happen with no effort or without difficulty. That's not the design of life. Worthwhile goals take lots of mini goals and also time, and patience.

When we've worked hard, things should go our way! Unfortunately {Or maybe fortunately}, they don't always.  Just like the stubborn staples held on to that fabric on the the corners of the chairs, there are times in life when we just seem stuck, no matter how hard we try.

It's when I was stuck on these chairs that I learned the real lesson, and it's often the same way in real life.  Even when our desired result doesn't happen WHEN we want it to, there is ALWAYS something that we can do, no matter how small. Then we find a little more that we can do. Eventually, as we metaphorically pull out those little tough staples of life, one by one, we'll solve our problems. We'll meet our goals.

Things aren't always seamless, and problems aren't always easily solved. Often, goals are not reached, and problems are not solved at once. The design of life is not to just breeze through. It takes time, work, and one small thing at a time.

XO,
Nancy